How to Set Healthy Boundaries
Published October 3rd, 2024
4.5 min read
Setting boundaries helps prioritize your mental health and build healthier relationships.
Written by Simon Spichak
Boundaries are an essential part of our relationships. They help establish acceptable behaviours and help people prioritize their own time and mental health. However, some people struggle to set healthy boundaries, so others may not respect their feelings, work, or time. Here’s how you can learn to establish and keep these boundaries.
1. Figure out what boundaries you need to set.
First, you need to be clear about the boundary you want to set. If it helps, try writing it down or saying it out loud. There are a few different types of boundaries:
Personal boundaries. Set these to get rid of bad habits, like doomscrolling at night.
Social boundaries. These are boundaries with friends, family, or others in your social circle that can curb unwanted comments or negative behaviours.
Work boundaries. These boundaries help establish a healthy work-life balance and prevent supervisors, co-workers, or others at work from taking advantage of your time.
2. Think about the benefits of these boundaries.
Understanding what you want to get out of these boundaries is important. Writing down or saying your reasons out loud validates your needs and helps you figure out the best way to set them up.
Remember, boundaries can have many benefits:
Avoiding burnout.
Improving your self-esteem and self-respect.
Building independence.
Improving your mental health.
Improving your relationships.
Preventing employers or co-workers from taking advantage of you.
Learning to say no to certain behaviours or comments.
3. Consider consequences.
What happens if someone doesn’t stick to your boundaries? Setting up consequences, and following through with them when boundaries are broken, teaches others which behaviours are acceptable.
For example, if you don’t want family members to raise their voices during conversations, you might set up consequences where you leave the room until they can calm down. If your boss keeps calling you on the weekend when you’re off work or during lunch break, you can tell them that you’ll set your phone to silent to avoid interruptions.
4. Be assertive and establish the boundary.
If the boundary is social or work-related, you’ll have to explain the boundary to someone else. The important thing is you shouldn’t apologize, overexplain, or be vague. Stay calm and polite during the conversation and explain boundaries and consequences matter-of-factly.
If you are not assertive, you might struggle with this. Writing and practicing a script or roleplaying it with a trusted friend or family member could be helpful.
5. Follow through with consequences.
Especially early on, people might try to test the boundaries. Make sure you follow through with the consequences — speak up immediately so the other person knows that they’ve violated the boundary, and follow through with the consequences you’ve previously established.
Don’t wait until someone breaks the boundaries 15 times before you act. Also, remember to stay consistent with the boundaries and consequences; don’t change them without explaining the changes to the other person.
6. Trust yourself.
If you feel someone has violated your boundaries, don’t argue with them over semantics or let them try to convince you they did nothing wrong. Remember that you’ve clearly established boundaries and consequences.
Use a support network of friends, trusted family members, or a therapist who can help you with any self-doubt you might experience.
How Resolvve can help
If you’re struggling with setting boundaries, you’re not alone. Resolvve can help you find a therapist who understands you and can help you establish healthier social and work relationships. If you’re curious about therapy, you can learn more from these resources:
When you’re ready to take the next step, you can get matched to a therapist or book a free consultation.
Please note that this post is written for educational purposes; it is not therapy. If you need to talk to a professional, please book a consultation with a psychotherapist through Resolvve.
