How Does ADHD Affect Relationships?
Published February 6th, 2025
5.5 min read
The symptoms of ADHD, like forgetfulness and emotional dysregulation, can put extra strain on romantic relationships.
Written by Simon Spichak
Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder — or as it's better known ADHD — is one of the most common neurodevelopmental conditions affecting millions of children and adults worldwide. ADHD makes it difficult to get organized, focus, and plan ahead. It also makes people act impulsively as it makes it harder to regulate emotions.
What is ADHD?
ADHD is caused by differences in the way parts of the brain are wired together during development. It can lead to difficulty concentrating, focusing, difficulty organizing and planning tasks, trouble sitting still, as well as impulsivity and emotional outbursts. Though it is usually diagnosed in childhood, many people, especially women, are getting the diagnosis as adults.
If it goes untreated, ADHD leads to a higher risk of developing other conditions like anxiety, depression, or drug use and can affect work and romantic relationships.
ADHD and Relationships
Many people with ADHD are able to have happy, loving relationships. However, the symptoms that make it hard to organize and plan, as well as the emotional regulation problems, could strain new and ongoing relationships. Here are some of the challenges that people with ADHD and their partners face.
Hyperfocus and “love bombing”
Especially early on, people with ADHD hyperfocus on their new romantic partner, providing them with a lot of attention, gifts, praise, and messages. Sometimes, this can make a potential partner feel uncomfortable and push them away.
Other times, the infatuation can burn out quickly — your partner may become frustrated with the lack of attention and might not understand why you’ve stopped showing so much interest all of a sudden. This can cause strain and even end relationships.
Forgetfulness
Whether it’s forgetting an important date at a restaurant, a key celebration or birthday, or simply not paying an electricity bill on time, forgetfulness can cause extra strain. A romantic partner may stop trusting you to remember doing simple things, making you feel ashamed and angry.
Procrastination
Though everyone puts off tasks from time to time, for people with ADHD, it is a near-constant struggle.
If you have ADHD, you aren’t procrastinating because you are lazy, stressed, or unmotivated. A side effect of having problems with emotional regulation is that it becomes hard to organize, prioritize, and start tasks. That might mean waiting a week or two to put away clean laundry, delaying cleaning and other chores, or procrastinating important conversations with your partner.
This affects communication within the relationship and could make your partner feel frustrated that you aren’t pulling your weight.
Problems with emotional regulation and impulsivity
Many kids and adults with ADHD have trouble controlling certain emotions, leading to mood swings, irritation, sadness, impulsivity, and exuberance.
Some people with ADHD may have a short fuse and become irritable or angry very quickly. If a romantic partner does something wrong, it could lead to a disproportionate outburst. Some people with ADHD may get upset about small things in a relationship and hold onto the feeling for a very long time.
Others may become impulsive, booking a vacation last minute without telling their partner or making a big purchase without looping them into the decision.
Hypersensitivity to criticism
No one likes criticism or feeling rejected. But for many people with ADHD who also have rejection sensitive dysphoria, it can cause overwhelming emotional pain and discomfort.
Your partner might ask you to make sure you clean the dishes after you eat, or they may reject a restaurant or movie suggestion. This could cause an episode that leads to extreme emotional responses from anger to intense sadness, withdrawal, and, for some, suicidal ideation. You may start to feel ashamed during the episode, and many with ADHD feel ashamed afterward as well.
Lashing out and withdrawing from the partner could lead to rifts within the relationship, especially if your partner isn’t aware of your ADHD or the extent of the symptoms.
Treating ADHD
ADHD is managed with a combination of medications, psychotherapy, and other accommodations.
A class of medications called stimulants is often prescribed for people with ADHD. By far, the most common medication for this condition is called Ritalin (methylphenidate).
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) help people with ADHD develop the skills they need to manage their symptoms.
A combination of technological tools, such as scheduling apps, combined with other healthy habits like healthy meals and exercise can also help.
For more information, read our other resources:
How Resolvve Can Help
Resolvve provides you with quick and easy access to therapists who are specially trained to help with ADHD. The therapists help you improve your emotional regulation skills, work on organization and attention skills, and help you integrate productivity apps to provide a boost to your executive functioning skills. Some of our therapists also provide couples counselling.
If you’re ready to take the next step toward treatment, you can book a free consultation with one of our therapists. For many college and university students, the entire cost of the therapy session may be covered by your student insurance.
Please note that this post is written for educational purposes; it is not therapy. If you need to talk to a professional, please book a consultation with a psychotherapist through Resolvve.
