4 Things To Never Tell Someone with a Mental Illness
February 16th, 2023
3.5 min read
Even though you’re trying to help, your words could be unintentionally hurtful or stigmatizing.
Written by Simon Spichak
At some point in their life, more than 50 percent of people will be diagnosed with a mental health issue. Many others could go undiagnosed. Even though mental health conditions are common, most people don't know how to respond when a loved one opens up about them.
Conversations about mental health are difficult. It is hard to find the right words to tell someone if you haven’t had similar experiences. It takes a lot of courage for a loved one to open up, so you don’t want to mess up the response. The gut instinct is to be helpful or provide tough love. But this can be insensitive and stigmatizing.
There are many unhelpful platitudes people with mental health issues hear on repeat. Here's some tips on what you shouldn't say.
“Relax and look at the bright side.”
Telling someone with severe anxiety to relax will not work. Telling someone with depression to look on the bright side is absurd and insensitive. If mental health conditions were that easy to manage, they wouldn’t be so prevalent.
Biological factors also play a role in mental health: genetics, brain connectivity, and stress hormones. Other socioeconomic factors may make it harder for someone to relax. They may be caregivers to a family member or working long hours to ensure they can pay their rent.
“Stop being lazy, eat better, exercise, or try this solution.”
When a friend or loved one opens up about their problems, stop offering advice or solutions. You probably aren’t a doctor, nutritionist, or mental health practitioner.
Mental health conditions like depression cause fatigue which makes it harder to eat better or exercise. It isn’t something people can just push through. Even with the best nutrition in the world and an awesome exercise regiment, people will still develop mental health issues. Other times, people don’t have enough money to buy healthy food or enough time between their jobs to cook.
“You seem fine to me.”
Mental health conditions are often invisible. You can’t read someone’s mind and experience the flurry of intrusive thoughts they might experience. Or feel their heart rate speed up due to their anxiety. Many people learn to mask their symptoms day-to-day to avoid questions and stigma.
Instead, you should applaud your loved one’s courage to open up to you and disclose their issues.
“What do you have to be depressed about?”
It is a myth that trauma or grief are the core causes of mental health issues. Sure, these events could contribute to a mental health condition but they aren’t required. Truth of the matter is, we don’t exactly know why some people develop ADHD, OCD, depression or anxiety.
What you should say instead
The most important thing to tell your friend or loved one is that you’re here for them. Give them a safe space to vent or talk about their feelings. Ask them if there’s anything else that you could do to help in addition to active listening. Most of all, it is not the time for you to judge or offer solutions.
**Please note, this is article is not therapy or a replacement for it. Engaging with it does not constitute a therapeutic relationship of any kind with the writer. Please seek professional help if needed.**
