Talking to Your Parents About Mental Health Issues
May 5, 2022
5 min read
Anticipating the conversation and the questions.
Written by Simon Spichak
Talking to family about your mental health is difficult. Sometimes, parents and other family members may have trouble understanding why you’re struggling or may have grown up at a time when talking about mental health was stigmatized. Many students are afraid of talking with their parents about this because they fear being invalidated or rejected. But if you’re committed to having the mental health talk, here are some tips.
Many of us struggle with mental health and academics in high school and university. Sometimes, we might have grown up as the smartest kid in a small school and find ourselves doing significantly worse in high school or university. You feel ashamed, you might seek out help or on-site resources, but the scariest thing is talking to your parents.
Getting the Conversation Going
Don’t panic, it is time for your big moment. If you’re nervous, write down a list of talking points that you can bring up. Practice in the mirror or with a friend, and remember it is okay if you get emotional during the talk.
Set up a time to chat with your parents, no distractions, no television. Make sure your parents know that this is going to be an important conversation ahead of time. You should emphasize that you want to be heard, keeping any interruptions and interjections until the end.
Most of the time, parents are accepting and love you above all else. In many cases, they’ll reveal their own mental health struggles and sympathize. Sometimes they might not understood but they will promise that they’ll try to. In that case, there’s going to be questions that they might ask you (or themselves).
Mental Health is Not A Blame Game
In certain cases, parents might wonder where they went “wrong”. Historically, mental health in youth has been blamed on parents, especially mothers. You can reassure your parents that they did not “cause” your depression or anxiety. That it is instead a medical issue much like a headache or a broken arm requiring care and attention.
You might want to explain when you first started to feel this way. My parents, and perhaps yours, will tell you that they don’t remember spotting anything amiss. But that’s the thing about mental health, it is impossible to tell whether or not someone is struggling and hiding it. I got really good at it, maybe you did too.
They might ask a bunch of questions about your diagnosis and how you intend to get well. Sometimes, they might initially deny that there is a real diagnosis, but that is also rooted in stigma. There really is nothing wrong about dealing with mental health struggles.
Things Parents Might Say or Ask
Here are some more common comments and questions, along with tips for your responses.
What do we do now?
Now it is time to make a plan! Think about the tangible supports your parents can provide, whether its helping you find a therapist or words of affirmation. In most cases, your parents will do whatever they can to support you on your mental health journey.
How long does anxiety/depression/OCD last?
Mental health is different for everyone. Some depression or anxiety issues can be transient and worsened with stress. Other conditions might require regular therapy or antidepressants that help manage the symptoms.
Can it be cured by feeling happier/exercise/better diet?
A person with diabetes cannot will their blood sugar to a healthier level. They may require medications or insulin injections. Similarly with mental health issues, lifestyle changes aren’t always sufficient to fix or treat an issue.
What went wrong?
Mental health affects everyone and is best thought of as a continuum. Everyone struggles with managing stress, experiences anxiety and feels sad sometimes. But for reasons that aren’t always clear, this becomes persistent and affects a person’s daily life. Many times, no one knows why a certain person struggles with depression and it by no means is nobody’s fault.
Therapy is just for crazy people.
First, crazy is a stigmatizing term that refers to people who experience extreme issues with their mental health. And second, many healthy people go to therapy - it is a checkup for your brain. People go to the doctor for a check-up, even when they’re physically healthy after all.
Disclosing your struggles to anyone, especially your parents is difficult and requires a lot of courage. We wish you the best of luck if you decide to pursue a conversation with your parents on the topic.
Please note that this post is written for educational purposes, it is not therapy. If you need to talk to a professional please book a consultation with a psychotherapist through Resolvve.
Please note that this post is written for educational purposes, it is not therapy. If you need to talk to a professional please book a consultation with a psychotherapist through Resolvve.
